Layne

Today we were playing with some friends and the conversation of Nicholas came up. Layne proceeded to tell her friend all about that fateful Dr.s appointment. Layne told her friend all about the little thing that listens to the baby's heartbeat( the Doppler) and where they put it on mama's belly and that they could not find Nicholas' heart beat because he was dead and with Jesus. My heart broke all over again that I took her with me.. that I did not leave my kids with a friend and that she has had to walk through this. Her pain and grief is so very really and very hard as a mom to watch her walk through... if I could go back and change that decision I would. But I can not, so now I need to know the best way to come along side Layne and help her deal with her sorrow and sadness. Please keep Layne in your prayers. I am asking that My heavenly Father gives me wisdom and right response to all her questions, that I would have patients with her, that I would allow her to grieve so that she and I would both testify to Gods faithfulness through this trial of losing Nicholas.

not sure what to do....help!!!!

I was picking Layne up from school today and her teacher popped out of the class and asked to speak with me...yikes.
Ms Jami proceed to relay a conversation that she had had with Layne that day.
The class was talking about Mothers Day and what did you get for your mommy. Layne piped up "I got a card for my mom from my brother who lives in heaven." She paused for a minute and asked Ms Jami "do you have a baby in heaven"... silence... Ms Jami " Yes, Layne I do." awkward pause... Layne asked "is your baby a boy or a girl?"
Ms Jami said she did not know.

They were finally able to divert Layne's attention else where, but it seemed to really bother her teacher to discuss the topic of death and heaven. I know that it is not a popular topic, but is very real and very fresh in our minds. I just need advise on how to talk with Ms Jami about how Layne is dealing with her grief and help Layne find an outlet to express her grief.
Who knew that this loss would impact my daughter is such a huge way...I am sad for the innocence that is lost, but also so blessed see my daughter excited about Heaven and seeing Jesus... we tell her that is where Nicholas is and because she has asked Jesus in her heart one day too she will be with Jesus!

3 Months....

Today I grieve silently...it has been 3 months since I first learned that Nicholas had gone to be with Jesus....
I found it funny how on this day of all days I was watching my friends kids so that she could go to the Dr for a routine OB check... all is well with Baby Anna who will be making her grand appearance on July 10 and I am so excited to meet her. I have found myself dwelling on that last appointment I had....Thank you Jesus that you have carried me these last 90 days. Thank you for giving me great friends, my darling husband, Your Precious Word, my wonderful children and for chocolate...yes I have indulged.
We as a family are making it one day at a time. Trusting in God to sustain us each and every day... giving us all that we have need of!

Lessons I have learned from my sons life and death:
God is faithful
We are blessed to be in America with great Doctors
The are healing properties in laughter
moms who have miscarried are still moms even though their arms maybe empty
Not to take on single moment for granted
God is the giver of all good gifts

I love you Nicholas!!!
I cant wait to meet you one day!

MAY

Time is absolutely flying by...I can hardly believe that we are now in May.
God is answering my praying of teaching me how to release my pain to Him. He has been so faithful with every request that I have made of Him... yes there are times when His answers have not been what I want... but He still answers... still cares.He is still at work in my life!!!
Thank you Heavenly Father for your faithfulness and the grace that you have abundantly poured out in my life!!!!

Jeff, I also wanted to take a moment to tell you thank you. Thank you for holding me in the middle of the night when sleep would not come until the wee hours of the morning. Thank you for letting me cry so hard that I was unable to move. Thank you for me making breakfast, getting the girls ready for their day...Thank you for honoring our marriage vows... for better or worse, and you have seen me at my worst. Thank you for calling me during the day to make sure that I was and am okay. Thank you for being my friend,keeper of all my secrets, my taste tester for all my crazy new cooking ideas(no more black beans or oatmeal), thank you for being you... my husband.
I am so proud to be called your wife. It is really quite an honor and I just wanted you to know I love you... and to inform all that I married the best!!!
Life is never what we plan so I am looking forward to what God has in store for us my darling husband.. to see what new adventure is around the corner waiting for us.
You and me, hand in hand....