Life Goes on

Well it has been officially 3 weeks since we heard the news that our little boy had left to go be in the arms of Jesus. This has been a tough road... I have never cried so much in my life.
How are we doing is the question most asked. We are doing OK. The tough part still is that Layne keeps asking Jesus to allow her to go to heaven so that she can play with her baby. She tells me a lot that she is really sad cause she wanted to have a brother, she thinks that he would be a lot funner than her sister. I am very quick to remind that it is okay to be sad and miss our baby but that we need and must be grateful for all the wonderful gift that God has given us and that it does include her sister.
I am coping and grieving my loss. I have found huge comfort in the Word. I know some of you are thinking surprise surprise... I was at least. He is my Comforter in my time of pain. He has done great things for my I am filled with joy.
I am also reading a Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. at the end of his book says he describes how mad our loved ones would be if we could call them back from their Saviors Throne. I found great comfort in that... Nicholas would never be content in this world... he is in perfection... he is at the foot of my Savior worshipping his Majesty. What a lucky little guy is he and I should adopt the same attitude of Layne, asking Jesus to return so that I may behold His( not my sons) beauty and worship ,my Lord and Savior.
I have had the question posed how can I not be mad at God? I find this question funny that it seems to be coming to me for the Christian world. Let me preface I have found myself wanting to be mad at God but can not seem to bring myself to be really angry at Him and this is why. I ( we) live in a fallen world. Gods intention for Earth was to have a place of perfection but due to Gods wonderful gift of free will man made a wrong choice and sin entered the world and along with sin came death. In this world which is not our permentnant residence for anyone we become so focused on the unjust and unfairness that we see and face each day.... may I be so bold and say that this world after sin entered was never meant to be easy read Genesis 3 but read it carefully... it does list the consequences for sin but oh what a great promise is given and that is the promise of the Messiah. He did come and bring his salvation to all whom believe in His birth, death and resurrection. I understand from the medical world why my son died but I also know that this world where sin reigns and due to sin death and grief will happen. But I take great comfort that even in this world my Savior didn't leave me alone but sent the Holy Spirit to bring peace and comfort.
Please don't misunderstand, I miss my sweet little boy, but he is resting in the arms of Jesus. He is being kissed and caressed by the One who put this world in existence. As a mom we worry about our kids all the time, I never worry for Nicholas he is spending his eternity in perfection with my Savior, with whom I place all my hope and faith and he never disappoints.
To those who read this and know nothing of this peace and hope in which I write. May I please have the opportunity to tell you about Jesus and His gift.
To all who read I love you all and may His Grace be yours today.

Baby Nicholas

It is with a heavy heart that I write with.
On Friday February 8th I went to the Dr for a regular apptment. I sat with my darling little girls playing Cinderella and Snow White,waiting for the Dr. We laughed and enjoyed one another. Little did I know that in a moment my world would be turned upside down. The Dr came with the doppler to listen to my unborn childs heart beat.... she kept moving it around trying to find it... she said that her machine had bad batteries so she went and got a new one. With the new one she still could find the heart beat. She ran to get the ultrasound machine and said that she could not tell on her tiney machine. The girls and I were hurried over to the ultra sound department for a technician to confirm my worst fear, my unborn child had no heart beat.
I was sent home to wait for a Dr appt on Monday at 9:00 am. I did not make it to Monday. Sunday night I went into labor and gave birth to our perfectly formed son, Nicholas.
We are now greiving our great loss, but find comfort knowing that he passed from my womb straight into the arms of Jesus.
Your prayers during this difficult time are greatly appreciated.